Naked Truth

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

So he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."

Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

Bear & Rabbit

So once upon a time there was a bear and a rabbit walking through the forest and they bumped into a fairy and she said "I'll give you both three wishes."

So the bear goes "Ok I wish every bear in this forest was a girl except for me."

So the fairy grants it.

Then the rabbit goes "I wish for a helmet!"

So she grants it.

Then the bear goes "I wish every bear in the USA was a girl except for me."

So the fairy grants it. Then the rabbit goes, "I wish for a fast motorcycle."

She grants it.

Then on the last one the bear goes "I wish every bear in the world was a girl except for me." Then the rabbit goes "I wish this bear was gay."

The fairy grants it and the rabbit rides off.

What Not To Say

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor.

"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

The Trucker

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, 'I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.'

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?'

'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.

'Oh, OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for Blondie?'

'She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!

Brazilian

A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says 6 Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible!'

Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and,there is that risk involved.'

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, 'How many is a Brazilian?'