Christmas Party

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years.

Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

"Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come. About 5:00."

"Great," says Tom. "After six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Cliff is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you. Be some drinking."

"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em"

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there. Thanks again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too."

"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."

The $200 Quickie

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office.... but she was dating someone else. One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you..."

The girl looked at him, then said, "NO."

Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend. So she called him and explained the situation.

Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all quarters!"